4 Online Dating Mistakes to Avoid

I made them so you don’t have to

I dated for over seven years before I met my partner. I made a lot of mistakes. I didn’t know what I wanted or how to respond to messages on the online dating sites that I joined. I didn’t understand how online dating worked and I took it far too seriously.

My last first-date was in 1986 when I met my ex-husband. When I started dating again, I was two decades older and in a different country. I was used to being married. I had an 11-year old daughter and very little free time. Looking back, I was hopeless at dating and made some stupid mistakes. Dogged determination got me through (not to be confused with ‘dogging’, don’t do that, please).

I was determined to meet my soul mate, and I thought the best way was online. If your friends are telling you any different, and that you should wait to meet a man at a barbecue or party, ignore them. Or, ask them when the party will be and the names of the singles they will be inviting for you to meet.

I threw myself into dating, had a great time, learned a lot about dating, and finally met my partner. It wasn’t all fun though. Here are the mistakes I made, and what you can do to avoid them.

I made no effort to work out what I wanted in a man and what was a deal-breaker. I had no criteria, and I was too open to meeting different kinds of people. I wasted a lot of time going on dates with men that were never going to be a match.

What you can do differently:

Take some time to work out what you want in a man. Take a few days, and make a note of the top things you are looking for on post-its or in a notebook. Several sessions of brainstorming will enable you to come up with all sorts of insights about what you want. Talking to friends also helps as they may have a different perspective and have useful tips from their own experience.

Think about age, religion, hobbies, location, looks, finances, job and work ethic, children (have they got them, do they want them), do they have a house and car. It’s your list, so be honest. It’s no good saying all you care about is values and kindness if you want a man…

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