Plastic Paddy At My Show

He brought his girlfriend.

Now obviously in my solo comedy show, the Plastic Paddy got a lot of mentions. From his irritating Irish Catholic mother who had boiled bacon at me and placed the Virgin Mary statues beside my bed to the getting a tattoo that looked like I had scrawled on his chest with a Sharpie after we broke up.

Anyway, I did a one-off local show at the Dogs Bar, an even more intimate room (smaller)than the one at Trades Hall. And he turned up. With his latest girlfriend. I had not been expecting this. I had had other exes turn up to other performances but they were friends and were invited. And they were not mentally unwell and a bit scary. I really didn’t know what to do. They had paid their money, as had the other people who had turned up and I needed to do my show. So I went ahead. It was pretty surreal and I was madly editing in my head as I went. I didn’t know if she knew who I was and I didn’t want him to get angry. Most important of all, I didn’t want him to know how much he had affected me. So the fifty-minute show ran about fifteen minutes short that night.

Sarah and Michelle, my producers and I handed out goody bags at the end of every show with condom’s, lube, a mini vibrator and badges saying ‘I survived a night with Emma Sachsse’ in them. It was a fun way to end things and to promote the show to other people. He and his girlfriend had no qualms about coming up and claiming theirs.

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