Quarantena

A friend here is collecting quarantine stories, and asked me to share mine. So I wanted to post it here, too, since it’s been ages since I have written anything in this space.

Our initial brush with the Coronavirus was a little too close for comfort. On Saturday, February 22nd, we decided to take a day trip to a little town called Vo, which is about a 40 minute drive from our house. It was a beautiful day. We packed a picnic lunch and had plans to visit a winery. Barbara, Duncan’s mom, was visiting and we were excited to show her the beautiful countryside. As we drove along, we commented just how empty the roads were… where were all the people?

After we found a spot for our picnic lunch and ate, we made our way to the winery. I got out to talk quickly with the owner, (Parla Inglese?, I asked) who then got her daughter to come talk with me since she spoke English. They were closed — they had a confirmed case of Coronavirus in their town the night before, she said. The whole town was under lockdown. Yikes. So, that’s why there was virtually no one out and about.

Duncan flew out for a work trip back in the States the next morning and Barbara left a few days later. Even though our quarantine didn’t officially start for a few more weeks, things screeched to a halt here. Schools were closed, friend dates cancelled, people stayed home. I remember feeling annoyed that my week of plans fell through because I needed to see friends and get out in the world. It was my second time being alone with Eleanor for nearly a week and plans helped pass the time.

Plus, Duncan was not just away from us, he was on another continent. I knew we would be okay while he was away (and we were!) but I felt intensely lonely. And anxious. Would he be able to get back here? Would he be under quarantine and unable to come home for a few weeks if he did make it back? Would he get Coronavirus while traveling? So many questions were swirling through my mind.

Being a new mom can be extremely isolating. Being a new mom, in a foreign country can be extremely isolating. Being a new mom, in a foreign country, during a global pandemic? You guessed it… extremely isolating. Thankfully, Duncan did make it back to us healthy, safe and sound. All of my worries and fears were unnecessary. My fear of prolonged separation turned into the reality of prolonged togetherness.

Shortly after Duncan returned home, he began working remotely. And while this was (and still is) a huge blessing, it did come with its challenges. Nerves frayed. Fuses short. Often times, we found we both needed some sort of outlet, but neither of us could get one. With things constantly in flux, we took things one day at a time, and began to see this as a wonderful opportunity for him — he was able to spend more time with Eleanor when she was so little and changing constantly.

The first two weeks went by and we stayed home, and then we woke up to the news that Northern Italy was under quarantine. Our house is right on the border of two provinces, and we were included in the initial lockdown while most of the military community was not. I couldn’t believe it. What did this mean? And a few days later, as I’m up in the night, nursing Eleanor, I start getting text messages — are you under lockdown? Is all of Italy under lockdown? That was certainly news to me and sure enough, we were. The whole country now had to stay home, meaning — we could only leave our house for essential reasons (groceries, medical and work, in some cases). And if we left, we had to have a form with us at all times. If we were out for an unauthorized reason, there would be fines. Steep fines, as time progressed. Masks and gloves were the norm (and required). No questions asked.

New anxieties and fears began to creep up. Would we run out of food? What if we can’t leave our house for ANY reason? How will we keep Eleanor safe? What if one of us gets it? Will we be separated from each other, like they were in China? Will this ever end? And on and on the questions came.

As the news became grimmer each day, I eventually had to stop checking my phone in those middle-of-the-night nursing sessions. The news was giving me such terrible anxiety that I stopped being able to fall back asleep in the night. I also had to mostly stay off Facebook no matter what time it was. Some people were losing their minds. All of the negative posts and comments and conspiracy theories and arguments fueled my anxiety further. Plus, the Italians were reacting completely different to the Coronavirus and the quarantine, it seemed. There were no shortages of toilet paper here, for one thing, and people seemed to be respectful and listened to the government. We chose to do the same, even if we were sad, scared, anxious and uncertain of what the future held.

So, how did we spend our quarantine? Ironically enough, as new parents, we were already at home a lot. Our “normal days” were spent walking, playing with Eleanor, cooking, reading while Eleanor napped, watching a little TV now and then… and our quarantine days looked pretty similar. But when all of this started, we were just starting to get out and about more, so we hoped that it wouldn’t be long before things would get back to “normal”.

As the numbers kept climbing, we learned to have very low, if any, expectations. So, we settled into a rhythm. And, thankfully, we had a tiny little person to keep us occupied and on some sort of a routine. Winter turned to Spring and the weather got better so our main source of entertainment outside the house was walking. So we walked. And walked… and walked… and walked. Thankfully Eleanor loves being outside as much as we do.

Since the cases kept getting worse, so did the restrictions. The last straw for me was the 200 meter rule. When that decree came out, I felt crushed and claustrophobic. We really can’t go any further than 200 meters from our home? Our world was already so small, but at least we could get out and walk around our neighborhood. Not anymore. Even that small action, which I came to realize was such a huge privilege, was taken away.

We did, however, find a loop hole. A literal loop. There is a tiny loop behind our house that we walked around probably several hundred times and tens of miles. I joked that I felt like a hamster on a wheel, and it’s true, I did… but deep down it made me sad. We already felt like we were in a cage. Restricted. Confined. But at least we had that little loop to get our exercise. Our friends in more populated areas were not so lucky, so we counted our blessings.

And I didn’t think the restrictions could get any tighter than that… until one day, a polizia stopped us — only one person per household can take your baby for a walk, he said in broken English. This felt beyond silly to us, we live in the same house and sleep in the same bed. Why do we need to be social distancing from each other when we are outside? Of course, we didn’t say any of that; we were polite to the polizia, said grazie and went home. After he drove off, tears welled up in my eyes, my chest tightened — now we can’t walk together as a family?

And so it went… we settled into this even newer normal and got used to things the way they were. The days and weeks blended together, but time kept moving along. And all the while, Eleanor grew and grew. She turned four months old, five months old, six months old… all in quarantine. When this was all said and done, half of her life was mostly spent within the four walls of our home.

In between our eat, play, sleep routine with Eleanor, I spent the quarantine days carving out micro moments to do things that made me happy. I read 15 books over the span of the 12 weeks. I studied Italian (and still have so much to learn!). I started cross stitching again. I started journaling. I talked to my family more. I made daily yoga a priority. I started reading the Bible. I baked once a week (sometimes twice). I wrote letters home. I bought fresh flowers and herbs to brighten up the place. I got closer to Duncan. I loved on Eleanor and watched her grow, roll over, start sitting up, eating solids.

It’s these little things that made all the difference during this time. And yet, I craved connection with friends and being in public. I vowed to never take those things for granted again.

I had this vision that when this was all over, everyone in our neighborhood would slowly open their doors and come out of their houses, looking around, shielding their eyes from the sun. Can we come out now? Is it safe? And now that we are out of quarantine and in an even newer normal, people are out again… taking their nightly passeggiata. The kids are playing in the street behind our house. People are out in the square in our little town. Even though we’re all wearing masks in public, I know they’re smiling at me like I’m smiling at them.

As I reflect on this time, I know that we were and are incredibly fortunate. My complaints and struggles feel trivial compared to all of the suffering that so many have experienced over the past few months. We remained healthy throughout this extremely difficult time while thousands of people did not. My heart aches for those who lost family and friends and were directly impacted by the virus. For those who spent their last moments on Earth alone, unable to receive comfort from their family. Unable to say goodbye. I cannot imagine what that must have been like. And while we hope the worst is over for everyone, we are still being careful and cautious. I pray that the numbers continue to dwindle and go down. Only time will tell.

A few weeks after the lockdown was lifted, we decided to return to the winery in Vo. Maybe it would break the spell, I half- joked. They technically weren’t open, but they let us taste and buy some wine. My Italian ever-so-slightly better, I mentioned to the owner that we came on February 22nd, right after the Coronavirus hit their town. The owner immediately recognized us and remembered that day, too. She was so gracious and kind.

While the Coronavirus is still among us, we’re all adapting and adjusting as we go. The Italians hung signs bearing rainbows outside their homes with the words #andratuttobene which means everything will be fine. And, they were right — thankfully, it is.

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