The New Freshmen

Welcome to your first day of a long 4 year journey. If you didn’t already know, my name is Michael Southworth and I am going to be your guide to the wonderful realm of High school. Before you get too scared I should tell that it is true: These will be some of the best years of your life. I mean I’ve only been here a year and it’s been absolutely amazing. In this essay (which I am writing on June 4th at 8:15 am) I will try my best to give you advice on how to not be a horrible freshman and the “social norms” of the school.

First of all, phone use and occasional swearing is generally accepted in many classrooms. I mean of course there is a point where these things are no longer accepted and teachers are all different, but as long as you’re not excessive it shouldn’t be a problem for you. Just don’t be the person that starts swearing at the teacher, that makes you a look like a huge dick. Or that person that isn’t paying attention to class cause you are on your phone constantly, that makes you look like a dumb degenerate.

Now here’s some basic direction tips. All the rooms with 1** will be on the bottom floor and all the rooms with 2** will be on the second floor. Also the smaller numbers (like room 202) will be on the left side of the school and rooms with bigger numbers (like room 236) will be on the right side. P.E. will be those big gates you see when you walk into school on your right hand side. Art will be right next to the front entrance to the school and is not far at all. The cafeteria is on the far left hand side of the campus and the fast line is connected to the other side of the building.

You may also notice throughout the year that the kids with nicotine addictions like to hang out in the restrooms, especially the ones by the cafeteria. They may try to offer you something but don’t be stupid. Students also like to have the sexy times in the leftmost stairwell in between periods. Kids also tend to ditch and smack the doors of classrooms really hard but don’t mind that too much. But if you were to do any of these things don’t worry, security seems to care WAY more about if you’re selling snacks than if you’re dealing drugs. Don’t even try selling, if the security doesn’t stop you from selling, the insane amount of competition will. Everybody seems to sell nowadays. Lunch may also confuse you at first. There are three ways to get food, the cafeteria, the fast line, and the nacho/pepper-belly snack bar. The cafeteria is the big building (duh), the fast line is in the same building with a different entrance, and the nacho line is in the middle of the circular bench area.

Luckily for you, you are in the Bio-med program. This means you are part of a community on the school, and that you are not alone. You’ll probably share a number of classes with the same people. This will give you a chance to not only make friends but also a chance to get help with work. Mr Tilton is pretty strict with assignments and won’t except anything not to his specifications. To be honest though all the work in his class is extremely easy. It’s not hard. Mrs. Coffey is extremely lenient with work and it will be really hard to fail that class, I’m not kidding. You know, all throughout middle school and elementary they would always tell me how hard it was in High School. “I am not going to accept this late work, in High school they’re not gonna accept it,”
or the famous,”Get off your phone, they’re not going to tolerate it next year,” they were filthy liars. In all honesty, High school is easy as hell. Besides Tilton and . . . well besides Tilton, no one really cares too much about late work, which is usually just 10% off the assignment. The hardest class I took was Spanish, because I’m a English speaking white dude, and I still passed with a B- in that class. You will also constantly get opportunities for extra credit, ESPECIALLY in Mr. Tilton’s. That was another thing they told you in middle school wasn’t it? Trust me, it’s easier than they all make it out to be.

Hey but if any of this turns out to be bad advice, it’s your fault. I’m objectively right. You’re just a freshman. (I’m joking)

But not really.

I’m right.

Always.

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